Froggy would a-wooing go! (1)

Selwyn's first victim, sorry, conquest, was a lady called Nutbrown. Or Nutter, for short. She was a hippy and had purple hair. She also had a purple hare, called Birkin, who lived at the bottom of the garden along with two footballs and an abandoned pogo stick.

Nutbrown was strange, and would often put posts on Internet forums where she claimed to be a gerbil. Selwyn thought she would be a good future Mrs F. as long as she changed her appearance, lifestyle, personality, interests and her entire life history. So he wrote her a long letter detailing everything she was doing wrong, and how to put it right. He got very worked up whilst writing the letter, and his normally pale green skin went a strong shade of pink.

He thought that this was a very loving thing to do - the letter-writing, that is - so he also made that clear. Then he went back and replaced all the swear words with asterisks, so he could tell himself that he is, after all, a gentlefrog.



As you can see, Nutbrown and her hare were very pleased to receive the letter, which seemed to be covered with lovely twinkly stars.