The effects of music on plant growth

We've known for ages that music helps plants to grow, and even proper scientists what with their grubby white coats, tests tubes, labs, Cat scans and stuff don't really know why. However, not everyone's so sure. Fergus Tiptop of Penge has written:

'Someone told me that playing music to plants makes them grow better, but actually it's a load of codswallop. I've tried talking to plants and that doesn't work either. Why, I was making encouraging noises to my vegetable patch and even playing it highlights from Beethoven's 5th - when my neighbours called the police. I thought it might work better with indoor plants but I'm having problems parking a 45' privet hedge in my living room. Once again, the so-called experts get it wrong!'

However, Delphinia Spragg from Pratt's Bottom has a different perspective on this issue:

'Not only can music make plants grow better, but I'm convinced that music can turn people into plants. My 17-year-old listens to that awful music through his headphones during all two of his waking hours and is looking more and more like a cabbage every day!'