Dear Agony Auntie,

A while ago I turned into a flesh-eating Zombie, and I've since found that my surviving friends don't want to know me.

Should I go on a strict diet, or would it be better to look for work as a film and tv extra?

Yours,

Elijah Muttonchops, OBE.
xxx

Dr Sketchy at the British International Comics Show!

Well on Saturday I went to a Comics Show with Ian Ellery and we bought some dinosaurs and creepy crawlies and two Simon's Cat books and then had a look at the stunning, inspirational Hokusai Demons and saw some Simon's Cat films and then it was time for Dr Sketchy's Heroines 'n' Villains event.

So this is what I dun:

Firstly, here's Parma Violet as Harley Quinn:



And Cherry Fox as Wonderwoman:



And Marnie Scarlet as Poison Ivy (I'm getting so long-sighted these days I could draw in this amount of detail despite the fact that she was standing 80' away):



And Sherry Trifle as Cheetara:



Had a few problems because the pink paper doesn't let you blob properly; the white stuff did all right, though! For more images from the occasion, have a look here.

Pls Excs the long absence ...

but I've been off looking for Chaffy, and here he is:


An explanation of this cryptic remark can be discovered here.

Illustration Friday - Old Fashioned

These days people mostly use the internet for courtship purposes; however, in those old-fashioned, mediaeval times, falconry was one of the few activities where male and female women of the opposite sex could mix without causing social disapproval.

It was, and still is, an excellent opportunity to get one's leg over, do a bit of riding, dogging and chasing birds.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I work for Timberhonger and District Mental Health Trust (that's part of the National Health Service. Sometimes I think it should be called the National Disease Service, and certainly the bit I work for wouldn't know mental health if it ran up and bit them on the bum, but that's guvverment propaganda for you).

I discovered today that there is a Policy for Writing Policies, and you can also download a leaflet supporting the Policy for Writing Policies and Procedures. However, I have just read the Fire Policy. It is a document which is 3mm thick, and I still don't know what to do in the event of a fire. It doesn't tell you.

This is getting increasingly crucial because a small conflagration has broken out in my bottom drawer. It is threatening my collection of spare bootlaces and the teabags have already gone up in smoke.

What should I do?

Yours,

Billius Tuddington, OBE
xxx

Get yourself a nice new furry jacket

This lovely item of designer jacketwear is hand-crafted from high-quality Astroturf and features optional mole hills, worm casts, weeds of varying degrees of commonality and house sparrows. The deluxe version also features a large lump of lion dung and a water feature.

Be the envy of your friends! At least, the ones who don't think you're a total pillock.

This is the sort of thing we grow in sunny Worcestershire

Just for today, this is perfectly true. Worcestershire IS sunny; I can see bits of it streaming through the window, hitting the floorboards and showing up all the dust!

Anyway, the pic above is going to the redoubtable Bill Stott, as a thank you for sending me one of my favourite cartoons of his - which can be seen here.