The best place to hide a tree is in the forest, so they say, and I found that the easy-to-use software which would have stored all the bloggy stuff wouldn't actually work on my new (to me) mac - so here is the entire Palace, stored to a new spot!
I know - it looks really grim at the moment and I'll gradually be putting the furniture in place. But normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
SHOCK!!! HORROR!!! Puflet Palace to Close!
After all these years, and all that sort of thing - the moment I can save all the content to a PDF and stash it in a corner somewhere - it's going to vanish from the ether.
****FFFFTTTtttt****
Just like that!
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Just like that!
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Personality Disorder Diagnosis for Ex-Partners
- Narcissist = They have moved on
- Bipolar = Their feelings changed at some point
- BPD = They broke up with me
- Sociopath = They didn't get along with my friends
- Multiple Personality Disorder = They are dating someone new
- Pathological liar = They said they would love me forever
- Commitment Phobe = He didn't propose
- Codependent = They are really in love with someone who isn't me
- Histrionic Personality Disorder = I saw them kissing their new partner in public
- Sex addict = there was porn in his browser history.
- Bipolar = Their feelings changed at some point
- BPD = They broke up with me
- Sociopath = They didn't get along with my friends
- Multiple Personality Disorder = They are dating someone new
- Pathological liar = They said they would love me forever
- Commitment Phobe = He didn't propose
- Codependent = They are really in love with someone who isn't me
- Histrionic Personality Disorder = I saw them kissing their new partner in public
- Sex addict = there was porn in his browser history.
Friday, 3 December 2010
Dear Agony Auntie,
I think my man's just not that into me. He addresses me affectionately as 'Toothless Mary', and says he's delighted we're together, but I'm not so sure.
You see, he hardly ever goes out with me in public and when we do, for example, he will go into the Public Bar and makes sure I go into the Saloon Bar. Once I saw him in the street talking to his mates and I went over and said hello and he pretended we'd never met before. He said he was worried about word getting round, but I'm not sure what he means.
Do you think he's ashamed of me? Should I be looking for a new man? Would it be a good idea to get a set of dentures?
Yours,
Floribette Schuffenecker-Blartfast
xxx
You see, he hardly ever goes out with me in public and when we do, for example, he will go into the Public Bar and makes sure I go into the Saloon Bar. Once I saw him in the street talking to his mates and I went over and said hello and he pretended we'd never met before. He said he was worried about word getting round, but I'm not sure what he means.
Do you think he's ashamed of me? Should I be looking for a new man? Would it be a good idea to get a set of dentures?
Yours,
Floribette Schuffenecker-Blartfast
xxx
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Nice Christmas presents for Green-fingered Relatives. I nearly put 'Light-fingered Relatives', but that would convey totally the wrong impression ...
Yes, I know Christmas was sprouting in shops at the end of August, but you’ve got to get round to your present buying some time, you know!
First choice is a fabulous book, ‘Recipes from your Rockery’. You’ve already had more than your fair share of tedious tomes dictating what to do with the produce from your vegetable patch, but this remarkable volume tells you how to make the most of an area of your garden not normally associated with delicious food. It features such classics as mud pies, rock cakes, pebble cakes and, for the modern gardener, chocolate concrete. Published by the British Dental Association, it also includes a money-off voucher for your first eight bouts of denture repair. Notice how I didn’t say “something to get your teeth into”. Arf arf!
I’ve also found this fabulous ‘Love ‘em and leave ‘em’ sack, available from the RHS. Looking remarkably like an old-fashioned mail bag, you simply put your fallen leaves in one of these, dump it in a corner of the garden (preferably someone else’s) and when you return three years later, you’ll have forgotten where you put it. If your relative’s looking green all over - and not just the fingers - they also provide handy storage for the body while you wonder whether to call the police or not. Of course, this may mean you end up in an institution where you make mail bags yourself, but these days we’re all in favour of participating in the wondrous cycle of nature.
Finally, I found this nifty piece of kit: the ‘Peeping Tom’ recordable video spy trowel. It was in one of those mini-catalogues which has gadgets which will cut your cakes into representations of William the Conqueror and suchlike. It looks like a trowel, digs like a trowel (well, you have to do the digging really, a bit like walking boots or climbing ropes) BUT is actually one of the world’s smallest and most discreet video cameras. It’s a great way to spy on your unsuspecting neighbours, or even record the wildlife in your garden, if you’re that way inclined. Alternatively, if you just like to lurk in the undergrowth - this fabulous device will provide the perfect excuse.
So there really is no excuse for buying bath salts, socks or hankies – or indeed anything else likely to end up in a car boot sale – for your unsuspecting relatives!
First choice is a fabulous book, ‘Recipes from your Rockery’. You’ve already had more than your fair share of tedious tomes dictating what to do with the produce from your vegetable patch, but this remarkable volume tells you how to make the most of an area of your garden not normally associated with delicious food. It features such classics as mud pies, rock cakes, pebble cakes and, for the modern gardener, chocolate concrete. Published by the British Dental Association, it also includes a money-off voucher for your first eight bouts of denture repair. Notice how I didn’t say “something to get your teeth into”. Arf arf!
I’ve also found this fabulous ‘Love ‘em and leave ‘em’ sack, available from the RHS. Looking remarkably like an old-fashioned mail bag, you simply put your fallen leaves in one of these, dump it in a corner of the garden (preferably someone else’s) and when you return three years later, you’ll have forgotten where you put it. If your relative’s looking green all over - and not just the fingers - they also provide handy storage for the body while you wonder whether to call the police or not. Of course, this may mean you end up in an institution where you make mail bags yourself, but these days we’re all in favour of participating in the wondrous cycle of nature.
Finally, I found this nifty piece of kit: the ‘Peeping Tom’ recordable video spy trowel. It was in one of those mini-catalogues which has gadgets which will cut your cakes into representations of William the Conqueror and suchlike. It looks like a trowel, digs like a trowel (well, you have to do the digging really, a bit like walking boots or climbing ropes) BUT is actually one of the world’s smallest and most discreet video cameras. It’s a great way to spy on your unsuspecting neighbours, or even record the wildlife in your garden, if you’re that way inclined. Alternatively, if you just like to lurk in the undergrowth - this fabulous device will provide the perfect excuse.
So there really is no excuse for buying bath salts, socks or hankies – or indeed anything else likely to end up in a car boot sale – for your unsuspecting relatives!
Monday, 22 November 2010
Dear Agony Auntie,
A while ago I turned into a flesh-eating Zombie, and I've since found that my surviving friends don't want to know me.
Should I go on a strict diet, or would it be better to look for work as a film and tv extra?
Yours,
Elijah Muttonchops, OBE.
xxx
Should I go on a strict diet, or would it be better to look for work as a film and tv extra?
Yours,
Elijah Muttonchops, OBE.
xxx
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