What is this life, if full of cars ...

I've had a hire car, from a hire car company, all this week (courtesy of the other party's insurance). It's a Chevrolet Lacetti, and I don't like it very much. It seems to be stuck on a really naff radio station, and it's very cold when the weather's cold, and stiflingly hot if it isn't. I can't be arsed to find out what to do about these things as no sooner will have mastered them than it will be time to return it.

It was even worse when I got it from the hire car place; I've driven a Peugeot diesel for yars and yars and thought I'd try driving the Lacetti round the site before hitting the Redditch Ring Road, or, come to that, anything on it. I then found I couldn't get reverse gear (you have to say magic incantations in a weird accent, oh yes, and squeeze some bits together and waggle it. And reverse is in the wrong place.) I then discovered I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, and had to get one of the blokes who works there to show me how. I could just tell what he was thinking. It was not complimentary to female drivers.

Anyway, it was parked outside my house next to the pyracantha hedge. (I might also add that blackbirds are nesting in the hedge, and they keep c*****ng on the car. It's a black one, unlike my Peugeot 206 which is silver and therefore won't show the dirt so much). It was in exactly the same spot as my new 206 had been when it was struck amidships ... then ... I noticed that the evil car wot had dun the damage in the first place was parked just opposite.

NOW I know the meaning of paranoia. From first-hand experience.

I couldn't rest. I paced backwards and forwards. I thought about complicated insurance claims. In the end, I nipped to the house over the road and had an apparently pleasant chat with the perpetrator. I didn't quite say 'Look - that's a hire car, and please don't reverse into it', but nearly.

However, the nightmare should soon be over. The company which has been papering over the dents in my car left a message today to say that my motor's ready. So I hope to reclaim it tomorrow! Yippee!!!