I've cracked it! The start of life, the universe and everything ...

Scientists wonder about this sort of thing. They mixed together hydrogen, carbon monoxide, ammonia and methane. That, and Bird's Custard Powder. Such a mixture was subjected to electrical discharge and ultraviolet light. Complex molecules were found to have formed in the mixture including sugars, nucleic acids and amino acids.

Thus began - Tim Leatherbarrow's Pinny Stains!!!!



Now, you will appreciate that Tim's pinny is something of a palimpsest, an historic document which should be available to benefit mankind; under current circumstances there is some danger that the existing historic layers could be subject to damage by, for example, over-zealous application of cleaning fluids or merely the depredation of Marigold Gloves.

I put it to him that maybe only having one pinny may be restricting his lifestyle, that the PCO would probably agree to having a whip-round in order to purchase another one, but was met with a near-hysterical reaction! Can you believe that?

All those stains could be digitally sampled and replicated, possibly for exhibition in museums in the UK and abroad, if he did not wish to sacrifice the original ones.

This is common with heritage sites where the pressure of tourism can be damaging to the fabric of the original; visitors can experience the general ambience of the monument but without causing it any trauma.

The application here is obvious: all those stains can be recorded, catalogued, documented and tastefully displayed. With an audio guide if appropriate. Health warnings may need to be issued of course, depending on the nature of the funding body. This would clearly facilitate the washing of the original garment, thereby greatly enhancing the image of Tim as househusband - a role he clearly cherishes.

But does he respond graciously to these suggestions? My **** does he?! In fact, he keeps threatening not to put his trousers back on ... more of this sorry tale can be accessed by clicking on the link in this post.