Dear Agony Auntie,

I met this girl in a bookshop, you know, one of those bookshops where you can sit down on a big floppy sofa with a cup of coffee. Anyway we got chatting about a book we'd both read recently: 'Where's Wally?' and I bought her a cup of coffee, too. She had to go, but left me her card which had her email address on it.

I emailed her to say that I'd enjoyed chatting to her, but that there would be insurmountable obstacles to a long term romantic relationship at this time. I told her that I didn't want her to have my babies (of either sex, number unspecified) in the foreseeable future. I told her not to be making plans for a white wedding because I don't believe in church weddings. (Well, I do believe in them in the sense that I think I've seen photographs of them, but I didn't want this girl to think I'd be marrying her in a church). I told her not to even THINK about the two of us buying a three-bed semi with front and back garden.

Well I think I was being a real man and being upfront and straightforward, so she'd know where she stands.

That was three weeks ago. She didn't reply to the email. I saw her in the high street today, and she appeared to be staring very hard into the window of a shop which sells surgical trusses and the like, and didn't turn to look at me. Then she seemed to dive into the doorway of the same shop, and I'm pretty sure it was her I saw sprinting at great speed down an alleyway as I approached.

What did I do wrong?

Yours,

'Tosser' Coyne

xx