Dear Agony Auntie,

I've seen this girl at church and I like her a lot. One time I sent her a romantic text message and she responded with 'Who the **** are you?', which obviously meant that she wanted to get to know me better, and as she looked up, I waved and grinned at her. OK, I haven't got many teeth, and those that I have tend to be very long, but it really was a cheerful smile.

She ran away screaming, and I followed her home. Being the romantic type, I waited until she'd gone to bed, borrowed a ladder from the next door neighbour and put it up to her bedroom window. OK it was without the neighbour's permission, but as he lay there unconscious he made no attempt to stop me, so he must have been OK with that, right?

Anyways, I climb up the ladder, bang on her window with a brick. OK it made a bit of a hole, but not that much of one, and I press my face to what was left of the window. Again, she ran off screaming.

I'm thinking that her feelings for me are so deep she just can't contain herself. She's really emotional about me, I can see. Since then, I've seen her around but she always runs away or tries to hide. What can I do to help her overcome her shyness?

Yours,

I. Pervert
xxx