Blog-trotting

Some of the more perceptive among you may have noticed that Tootsie now has her own blog.

Not only that, but I am now a guest author on an exciting new blog, Talent Free Cartoons. I am finding it difficult to meet the challenge that this exacting site poses, but am confident I'm getting there.

And while we're at it, I find I'm being followed by a corgi called Poobah. He seems to think he has had a Cyber-Leg-Shag with me, but I suspect he's mistaken me for a coffee table. Corgis do that sort of thing, you know!

Freaky - I could have sworn Tootsie was in bed ...

and then I found she was online all along ... just take a look at the right hand sidebar of this blog!

Illustration Friday - Perspective

You can lose your sense of perspective when you're all squashed together under an old iron bedstead. Toes get trodden on - even if you're a fish.

It's been a long haul, but all my miles are back again now

For those of you not familiar with a Peugeot 206, it has a nice little display which can be set to tell you how many miles you've got left before you need to supply the car with jungle juice. Well - I was in London last weekend, and ... all of a sudden ... all my miles just went away. Just like that. One minute it was registering '392M' and then, nothing. Fuel gauge dropped away to beyond empty. A swift glance beneath the car (it was stationary at the time) revealed that a fuel leak was not the culprit.

(Note - I had to think about the spelling of stationary just then. If it had been 'stationery', it would have had to have been a card rather than a car. But I digress.)

So, being that here were two displays, unconnected apart from their common purpose, which were registering zilch - it had to be the common purpose which was at fault. I have mentioned elsewhere on here the problems with the seal in the fuel tank. Evidently he has been playing up again and the sensor which conveys the information had gone off in a sulk. The head mechanic at the garage summed up the situation immediately: 'You mean, it's telling you lies!' I responded that it was, indeed, telling rampant porkies, handed over the keys and left it to him to sort out. I even trusted him with the rats on the dashboard.

Incidentally, the car had been a bit grubby, to the point that I was ashamed of it, so I'd dropped by at one of those 'Hand Car Wash from £3.00' sort of places, where a team of young gentlemen restored it to its former pristine state.

Tis passing strange, but since then I've had no fewer than three direct hits by an albatross with a continence problem. Has anyone else found this after they've had their car washed?

I once saw a purple glossy starling on my nut feeder

I was inspired to write this post on hearing the news that Andy Davey once saw a possum on a fire escape. To quote the man himself:

I saw a possum on a fire escape/balcony in New York once. In a sort of pet-like scenario - people sitting with it and all. Nobody believed me.

It reminded me of a time when I saw a glossy starling on the nut feeder in my back garden. It was this fantastic, other worldly birdie which had joined in the flock of normal starlings. It was starling-like enough to reveal its starling origins (slightly sticky-up hairdo, pen covered with fish scales stuck behind its ear) and I did a Google search and there were lots of pictures of birdies like the one I'd just seen. I was pleased about this and put up a post about it on a BBC forum about birdies.

You couldn't put up a picture in those days - or at least if one could, I couldn't, and so I gave a description instead. At least two people informed me that I couldn't have seen a glossy starling. One told me it was a mynah bird (well, you do get lots of them on yer nut feeders, don't you?) and someone else said it sounded like a normal starling. In exasperation, I suggested that they, too, do a Google search on the glossy starling, which would reveal that a hamster with cataracts would be unlikely to mistake one for either a European starling or a mynah bird.

So my sympathies are entirely with Andy on this, and I believe he saw that possum.

Just to prove my point, here's a pic of a glossy starling:

Here's one of the guard dogs where I work

He's not very good at keeping people in, and people on their way in seem to laugh at him and then carry on anyway. But he's very enthusiastic and popular despite being hopeless at his job. And he's got real teddy bear eyes.

A temporary member of staff tried to explain to me that he's actually a pig, so maybe what WE might understand as a piece of porcine animal may not hold true in other places. At least there was no attempt to eat him!

Illustration Friday - Adrift (some more trolling on the Internet)

You know it's a bad day when you're on your way home and find your house is adrift. Looks like his parents aren't home either!

Actually, mine really is. Some days the bedroom door closes properly, some days it doesn't. Depends on which way the wind's been blowing.

And to demonstrate quite how adrift this piece really is - today's Tuesday. Nowhere near the Friday it was aiming for.

Dear Agony Auntie,

Well I think women are shallow.

I think they see dating as a status thing, and although they all look upon me as God's Gift to them, they don't want to be seen in public with me because they'd find it embarrassing. OK, so I like to show off my flatulent Trumpets Voluntary; I sometimes like to let other women experience the aroma of the patina of my armpits (dating all the way back to 1967) (but that doesn't constitute cheating, does it?) and I know one joke - so for maximum impact I like to get up on tables in public places and PERFORM it, with a little song and dance routine. OK, I can't sing or dance but I think we all need to get out of our comfort zone every now and then, don't you?

Well I think woman have no sense of humour either. But I don't much fancy men. Apart from myself.

What shall I do?

Yours,

Douchebag Cootiebiscuits xxx

Illustration Friday - Muddy

Grandma Troll's mud baths were the highlight of her week! SOOOOO good for the complexion!