Tuesday 9 February 2010

Dear Agony Auntie,

Well I think women are shallow.

I think they see dating as a status thing, and although they all look upon me as God's Gift to them, they don't want to be seen in public with me because they'd find it embarrassing. OK, so I like to show off my flatulent Trumpets Voluntary; I sometimes like to let other women experience the aroma of the patina of my armpits (dating all the way back to 1967) (but that doesn't constitute cheating, does it?) and I know one joke - so for maximum impact I like to get up on tables in public places and PERFORM it, with a little song and dance routine. OK, I can't sing or dance but I think we all need to get out of our comfort zone every now and then, don't you?

Well I think woman have no sense of humour either. But I don't much fancy men. Apart from myself.

What shall I do?

Yours,

Douchebag Cootiebiscuits xxx

3 comments:

Hypervox said...

"Douchebag Cootiebiscuits"????!!!

Sorry, can't write any replies at the moment - still laughing so hard my peanut butter sandwich is currently decorating the front of my monitor!

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

Worry not ,take no notice what is said in magazines and telly ,etc,etc women like the smell of raw unwashed natural smelling men. They also are turned on by seeing their man exhibiting himself, sort of a mating thingey. And as for only knowing one joke ,that doesnt matter as the woman will only listen to your funny story once and ignore everything you say after that so they probably havent noticed if you've been repeating yourself for the last 15 years.
Fannybag Leatherbiscuits xx

Douchebag Cootiebiscuits said...

Thanks, guys! I knew my one joke would appeal to REAL men and I knew I'd get a sympathetic hearing on here.

xxx