I spent all morning in hospital, but they've let me out now.

When I say 'hospital', I don't mean the one I work at, but one I've been to as a patient. I've made the astonishing discovery that my childbearing equipment is abnormal (not that I ever had much use for it anyway)! When I say 'childbearing equipment', I mean the natural means of reproduction, not things like prams, pushchairs, papooses and stuff. If you're going to be deformed, I think it's always best to have it tucked away in an area that most people never get to see.

The cartoon is, of course, courtesy of Bill Stott. Anyone would think he'd been there.

And here's the final board!

This photo comes courtesy of Sam Emms, the other and much prettier half of Steve Bright. (Sorry, Steve!)

What I dun at Shrewsbury

Firstly, for a much broader coverage than I'm likely to be giving here, go and have a look at Bloghorn, as this is about what I dun at Shrewsbury. Apart from the boozy bits which can safely be left to the imagination.

Well, you see, one of the things they do as part of the festival are these Big Boards. A cartoonist is allocated a board around, erm, well, big anyway and they paint/draw a cartoon on it. Normally they agree to this weeks/months in advance, get their idea approved by the committee and passed by the quarantine inspectorate, draw a mini coloured version of it and have a chance to square up.

However ... lots of International Cartoonists were not there because of the volcanic dust cloud over Shrewsbury, and one of the allocated cartoonists, John Roberts, had to be half a dozen of them at once. This meant he needed someone else to take over his Big Board, which I agreed to in a moment of enthusiasm. This left me about an hour to come up with the gag and the accompanying image, instead of the months of gestation time that everyone else had. No time to square up. Just go for it.

Well, here's the start:


That 'PRINCIPALITY' sign is nothing to do with it. Just an unfortunate juxtaposition. For the caption, you'll have to wait until tomorrow. And a big raspberry to the member of the public who said "You mean when you've thought of one ..." No, actually, make that a V-sign.

Incisive Political Cartoon coming up ...

Another beautifully crafted, subtly worded masterpiece from Leonard Gubbins at Talent Free, commenting on the extra-special-bit-of-PR-best-thing-since-John-Bummer-force-fed-his-daughter-on-beef-burger 2010 Election Debate.

Illustration Friday - Detective

"He hasn't really got the hang of 'Discreet Surveillance', has he?"

Dr Sketchy Saturday 15th May

If you're in Brummagem that Sat, and want to practise your drawing skills, and see some burlesque at the same time - come along! More details can be found here

Dear Agony Auntie,

I recently put an advert on an online dating site; in the bit where it said you had to describe your dream partner, I meant to put 'sporty type' and instead I hit the wrong key and put 'spotty type'.

Do you think I should go back and change it?

Yours,

Alistair Littlewinkle, OBE

If you're in Shrewsbury at the end of April ...

Chichi Parish and I will be doing a workshop called 'Scribble, Scrabble and Abracadabra' from 10.30am - 12.30pm on Saturday 24th April. It's likely to get silly. If you're in the area, please come and join us. Free entry if you read this blog. Suitable for children of all ages; no need to bring your parents if you're over 40.

(The illustration is the combined effort of Ms Parish and myself)

Badger Windows - Collect the Sett!

I spent the early part of yesterday afternoon with a double glazing salesman. He was nice. The price was not. I raised one eyebrow when he stated the monstrous figure that was the 'List Price', before all the discounts come off. You know, for things like there being an 'R' in the month, Venus being in Capricorn, one of their reps belonging to a gipsy encampment just down the road, all those things. It was still scary, though, even when it had been subject to this kind of circumcision.

As it happens, I'd had some other double glazing thingies fitted a little while back, but these were at the back of the house where they wouldn't show. This would have been a crime against creation at the front:


So, today I went to a local firm what makes windows. No salesmen, no commission, no national advertising campaign. The proprietor told me they'd been around for 25 years, which I am prepared to believe as they were definitely there when I first moved to the West Midlands in 1987. I'd particularly noticed the name of the company - because they're called 'Badger Windows'. I felt that a subterranean mammal would be just about the most unlikely candidate imaginable for sealed, double-glazed fenestral units.

I suspect that the vast majority of their customers are humanoid.

Anyway, I will be spending the early part of NEXT Friday with a double-glazing person, too. This is getting to be a habit....

Here's a recent picture of me ...

This image comes courtesy of Bill Stott, and is a picture of me buying porridge for Tootsie. For some reason, he seems to think that people who feed porridge to hamsters rank alongside those who:

Wear kilts and false red beards
Spell "Dennis" as "Denis"
Train killer pangolins
Own hens called Cilla which are dead
Are chums with nude Harley Davidson owners
Pretend to be Clive Goddard

But, I tell you, it's perfectly, perfectly normal! And the hamsters love it!

Shrewsbury Promotional Video

It's that time of year again ...

More details can be found here

Another thing in the Side Bar ...

is the excellent and hilariously drawn link to the Cartoonist Club of England. Actually, this is a diminutive form of its full title, which is:

Cartoonist Club of England and Bits of Scotland excluding the Welsh (CCEABOSETW)

The Welsh were excluded on the grounds that they already have Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones.

Steve Bright, him of Steve Bright Cartoons, has pointed out that this is an anagram of BE A COW SECT, which I'm sure you will agree is a noble ambition. Anyone can join, but it'll cost you a cool £20.00 per annum, and membership benefits can be ascertained here.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I'm 22, and I've just broken up with my girlfriend of 5 years.

I'm devastated, but my friends all tell me I should go for someone around my own age next time. What do you think?

Yours sincerely,

Mordred Liverlips, BSc (Hons)
xxx