Illustration Friday - Packed

Selwyn disapproved of his friends' attitude to ladies (using the term loosely). He had recently packed in this sort of childish behaviour. Actually, there WAS a reason for this ...

The perils of owning a diesel car ...

Last Tuesday, somebody reversed into my car. I was in it, but stationery at the time; I thought that the bloke was doing a three-point-turn, and left him plenty of space to do so ... but he just kept on reversing, and reversing and ... crunch!!!!!

I've owned this motor for less than six months, and this is the second time someone's reversed into it. I wondered if he had actually used his mirror, but just saw an area of grey (indeed, a grey area!) and thought that it was the sky and that it would be OK just to keep going.

However, I've realised that it's the irrestible allure of DIESEL which is the problem:



So if you want vehicles to reverse into you, use this stuff! Works a treat!

(The following day, someone nicked my wheelie bin. But that's another story ...)

Illustration Friday - Island

Jemima has been on holiday to the Pacific, and bought herself a very small island. So small, sadly, that she's lost it in amongst the rest of her luggage.

Froggy would a-wooing go! (1)

Selwyn's first victim, sorry, conquest, was a lady called Nutbrown. Or Nutter, for short. She was a hippy and had purple hair. She also had a purple hare, called Birkin, who lived at the bottom of the garden along with two footballs and an abandoned pogo stick.

Nutbrown was strange, and would often put posts on Internet forums where she claimed to be a gerbil. Selwyn thought she would be a good future Mrs F. as long as she changed her appearance, lifestyle, personality, interests and her entire life history. So he wrote her a long letter detailing everything she was doing wrong, and how to put it right. He got very worked up whilst writing the letter, and his normally pale green skin went a strong shade of pink.

He thought that this was a very loving thing to do - the letter-writing, that is - so he also made that clear. Then he went back and replaced all the swear words with asterisks, so he could tell himself that he is, after all, a gentlefrog.



As you can see, Nutbrown and her hare were very pleased to receive the letter, which seemed to be covered with lovely twinkly stars.

Illustration Friday - Memories

Selwyn's childhood memories took many forms.

He really preferred the ones where he was legless.

Frogg he would a-wooing go ... 21st century style ...

Mervyn's friend, Selwyn Frogg, has decided to find himself a new lady friend. Not for him a traditional courtship involving flowers, chocolates and the like ... here's his Internet Dating Advertisement:

Name: Selwyn Frogg
Age: Secret
Height: Depends if I'm stretched out or not
Hair colour: No hair, but my skin is beautifully marked and shades of green
Eye colour: Sort of frog colour

Likes: The slime at the bottom of ponds, flies and worms, lilypads
Dislikes: Herons and grass snakes
Hobbies: Hop-stepping and jumping, morris dancing

Personal statement:

We frogs feature in many a fairy story with a happy ending - so don't be shy, girls!
I txt msged four characters to see if they could sum me up in a few words. They were:

a) My wife (she used to be a princess, you know!)
b) My best mate, Mervyn
c) Just dialling at random
d) My mother

The responses I got were, respectively:

a) Who the **** are you?
b) You're my besshhst mate ... hic ...
c) Who the **** are you?
d) Who the **** are you?

So who could resist that?

Remember, girls, if you want to find Prince Charming you've got to kiss Frogg a lot!

Illustration Friday - Routine

Mervyn's back! He's in his usual state! He and his friends are performing a stick dancing routine.

Note his friend - on the right hand side of the pic - that's Selwyn Frogg. He will shortly be going a-wooing, so watch this space.