Merry Christmas Wossnames to all our readers ...

Personality Disorder Diagnosis for Ex-Partners

- Narcissist = They have moved on

- Bipolar = Their feelings changed at some point

- BPD = They broke up with me

- Sociopath = They didn't get along with my friends

- Multiple Personality Disorder = They are dating someone new

- Pathological liar = They said they would love me forever

- Commitment Phobe = He didn't propose

- Codependent = They are really in love with someone who isn't me

- Histrionic Personality Disorder = I saw them kissing their new partner in public

- Sex addict = there was porn in his browser history.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I think my man's just not that into me. He addresses me affectionately as 'Toothless Mary', and says he's delighted we're together, but I'm not so sure.

You see, he hardly ever goes out with me in public and when we do, for example, he will go into the Public Bar and makes sure I go into the Saloon Bar. Once I saw him in the street talking to his mates and I went over and said hello and he pretended we'd never met before. He said he was worried about word getting round, but I'm not sure what he means.

Do you think he's ashamed of me? Should I be looking for a new man? Would it be a good idea to get a set of dentures?

Yours,

Floribette Schuffenecker-Blartfast
xxx

Nice Christmas presents for Green-fingered Relatives. I nearly put 'Light-fingered Relatives', but that would convey totally the wrong impression ...

Yes, I know Christmas was sprouting in shops at the end of August, but you’ve got to get round to your present buying some time, you know!

First choice is a fabulous book, ‘Recipes from your Rockery’. You’ve already had more than your fair share of tedious tomes dictating what to do with the produce from your vegetable patch, but this remarkable volume tells you how to make the most of an area of your garden not normally associated with delicious food. It features such classics as mud pies, rock cakes, pebble cakes and, for the modern gardener, chocolate concrete. Published by the British Dental Association, it also includes a money-off voucher for your first eight bouts of denture repair. Notice how I didn’t say “something to get your teeth into”. Arf arf!

I’ve also found this fabulous ‘Love ‘em and leave ‘em’ sack, available from the RHS. Looking remarkably like an old-fashioned mail bag, you simply put your fallen leaves in one of these, dump it in a corner of the garden (preferably someone else’s) and when you return three years later, you’ll have forgotten where you put it. If your relative’s looking green all over - and not just the fingers - they also provide handy storage for the body while you wonder whether to call the police or not. Of course, this may mean you end up in an institution where you make mail bags yourself, but these days we’re all in favour of participating in the wondrous cycle of nature.

Finally, I found this nifty piece of kit: the ‘Peeping Tom’ recordable video spy trowel. It was in one of those mini-catalogues which has gadgets which will cut your cakes into representations of William the Conqueror and suchlike. It looks like a trowel, digs like a trowel (well, you have to do the digging really, a bit like walking boots or climbing ropes) BUT is actually one of the world’s smallest and most discreet video cameras. It’s a great way to spy on your unsuspecting neighbours, or even record the wildlife in your garden, if you’re that way inclined. Alternatively, if you just like to lurk in the undergrowth - this fabulous device will provide the perfect excuse.

So there really is no excuse for buying bath salts, socks or hankies – or indeed anything else likely to end up in a car boot sale – for your unsuspecting relatives!

Dear Agony Auntie,

A while ago I turned into a flesh-eating Zombie, and I've since found that my surviving friends don't want to know me.

Should I go on a strict diet, or would it be better to look for work as a film and tv extra?

Yours,

Elijah Muttonchops, OBE.
xxx

Dr Sketchy at the British International Comics Show!

Well on Saturday I went to a Comics Show with Ian Ellery and we bought some dinosaurs and creepy crawlies and two Simon's Cat books and then had a look at the stunning, inspirational Hokusai Demons and saw some Simon's Cat films and then it was time for Dr Sketchy's Heroines 'n' Villains event.

So this is what I dun:

Firstly, here's Parma Violet as Harley Quinn:



And Cherry Fox as Wonderwoman:



And Marnie Scarlet as Poison Ivy (I'm getting so long-sighted these days I could draw in this amount of detail despite the fact that she was standing 80' away):



And Sherry Trifle as Cheetara:



Had a few problems because the pink paper doesn't let you blob properly; the white stuff did all right, though! For more images from the occasion, have a look here.

Pls Excs the long absence ...

but I've been off looking for Chaffy, and here he is:


An explanation of this cryptic remark can be discovered here.

Illustration Friday - Old Fashioned

These days people mostly use the internet for courtship purposes; however, in those old-fashioned, mediaeval times, falconry was one of the few activities where male and female women of the opposite sex could mix without causing social disapproval.

It was, and still is, an excellent opportunity to get one's leg over, do a bit of riding, dogging and chasing birds.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I work for Timberhonger and District Mental Health Trust (that's part of the National Health Service. Sometimes I think it should be called the National Disease Service, and certainly the bit I work for wouldn't know mental health if it ran up and bit them on the bum, but that's guvverment propaganda for you).

I discovered today that there is a Policy for Writing Policies, and you can also download a leaflet supporting the Policy for Writing Policies and Procedures. However, I have just read the Fire Policy. It is a document which is 3mm thick, and I still don't know what to do in the event of a fire. It doesn't tell you.

This is getting increasingly crucial because a small conflagration has broken out in my bottom drawer. It is threatening my collection of spare bootlaces and the teabags have already gone up in smoke.

What should I do?

Yours,

Billius Tuddington, OBE
xxx

Get yourself a nice new furry jacket

This lovely item of designer jacketwear is hand-crafted from high-quality Astroturf and features optional mole hills, worm casts, weeds of varying degrees of commonality and house sparrows. The deluxe version also features a large lump of lion dung and a water feature.

Be the envy of your friends! At least, the ones who don't think you're a total pillock.

This is the sort of thing we grow in sunny Worcestershire

Just for today, this is perfectly true. Worcestershire IS sunny; I can see bits of it streaming through the window, hitting the floorboards and showing up all the dust!

Anyway, the pic above is going to the redoubtable Bill Stott, as a thank you for sending me one of my favourite cartoons of his - which can be seen here.

Here's another CCGB Entry

This time, it's a captionless one on the theme of the Wild West. But you'd already spotted that, hadn't you?

Dear Agony Auntie,

Well I was talking to this really hot bird I met when I was on my holidays but my house caught fire and I had to hang up really suddenly because the flames were lapping around near the turn-ups of my trousers and the phone melted and then I ran out of the house and accidentally dropped my mobile phone into a cesspit and I'd lost the piece of paper she'd written her phone number down on and I couldn't phone her because I'd stored the number in the other phones (now melted and drowned in cess) and eventually I decided to drive to a local library to look up her phone number on the internet. Her name is Renate Codswallop and she lives in a small village called Frogsbourne, in Derbyshire, and I thought this wouldn't be too difficult to find. It wasn't.

However, dear Auntie, my problems are now threefold:

- I haven't got any phones left
- Who's going to believe that story?
- My wife didn't believe it either.

What shall I do?

Yours,

Declan Bonklecroncher, FRSA
xxx

My plaster still hasn't dried out ...

which means I haven't been able to paint the bedroom walls and most of the stuff is disseminated throughout the house. It's chaos. I can't get to my desk or scanner, and I'm still sleeping (after a fashion) on that effin uncomfortable futon downstairs. So here's another strip from the archive:

For those of you who don't go on Facebook ...

Have a look at this link. It brought tears to my eyes!

I've been off air for a little while now ...

...on account of having my bedroom walls replastered. They had big cracks in, but I'm hoping that half a dozen tie bars will discourage the house from any more moving off of its own accord.

The bedroom houses my computer, which had to be unplugged, wrapped up and put to sleep temporarily. My scanner and camera are safely packed away somewhere else where I can't get at them until the stuff in between me and them has been put back into the bedroom which I can't do at the moment on account of the plaster still being wet. So I can't produce any new pictures for the blog. So I thought I'd treat you to a hitherto unpublished cartoon strip:


Pity about the camera. The plaster's producing some really interesting patterns as it dries.

Dear Agony Auntie,

My boyfriend of seven years is causing me no end of problems. All he's interested in is playing football with the other boys and eating sweets. The other day I tried encouraging him to come to the pub with me, but he got us thrown out. We went to the park after that, but he kept running away and hiding.

He sulks and throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way, and though he's asked me to marry him, he seems to change his mind about this on an almost daily basis. He treats me like a mother figure, expects me to get his dinner and pay his bus fare(for example) and doesn't offer to help at all.

I think I'll be waiting a long time before anything serious develops here. Would I be better off finding someone closer to my own age?

Yours,

Prunella de Cougar (aged 19)
xxx

This is the one I DIDN'T submit to the CCGB ...

CCGB Cartoon competition - the 50th one!

Hence the caption for this one ... actually I had another idea, which I will go and draw up now. Although I thought it was funnier, the reference is a bit obscure.

More later!

Should faces be visible at all times?

The Tory MP, Philip Hollobone, has launched a campaign to make it illegal for people to cover their faces in public, likening it to someone going around with a paper bag over their head. This totally fails to take into account the fact that, for some people, this particular item of head furniture would be welcomed by the rest of us who would otherwise have to look at them. People would be obliged to do things like wash, shave and wash their hair, or face ostracisation by the rest of society. It would mean that one can no longer be a slob in the privacy of one's own paper bag.

There will be a massive counter-campaign. It will be spearheaded, firstly, by employees of the Disney Corporation who make a living from going around disguised as Winnie the Pooh, Mickey Mouse, Pluto and their ilk. This heartless legislation would kill their profession at a stroke. Devotees of masked balls would not be far behind - especially those who would never stand a chance of 'pulling' members of the opposite sex if the true nature of their countenances was fully visible.

Brides would have to be fully revealed throughout. Gone would be the drama of the thrown back veil at the altar - thereby completely kyboshing that old option if they had a last-minute-change-of-heart ... that of getting a stand-in to, er, stand in whilst they leg it to Ibiza with a toyboy, using the honeymoon plane tickets.

Santa in his grotto would be a thing of the past. Gone would be the days when department stores could co-opt someone from the dole queue, fix them up with a fake nose, beard and eyebrows and a costume in imitation of the mid-winter-sprite. No, it would be necessary for the real Santa to attend Beatties or Rackhams. Then parents would have to start doing present-buying and all that stuff, as Santa would be too busy.

And think of the devastating effects it would have on professions such as bank robbing, cat burgling and other forms of raiding which historically have comprised the mask industry's chief customers. Their place in society would probably be taken by the now redundant Santas, Winnies, Mickeys, Plutos, Pudseys etc etc - and what a headf**k that would be!

In truth, this bill is unlikely to reach the statute books because it does not have the backing of the major parties. This must be because they have truly taken the time to think things through, and not dive in with legislation which will shake our society to the core - without raising any revenue.

Here's yet another CCGB Entry...

Click here to have a look at the other entries.

And what's more, it isn't just me ...

... as noted by The Surreal McCoy ...

We all have our cross-hatchings to bear ...

This great pic comes courtesy of The Surreal McCoy, who did it as a birthday card for me last year (I was 28 at the time) and the furtive-looking figure in it is me!!!

I know this for a fact because there is another version of this where I'm nowhere to be seen ...

Actually, I don't just do cross-hatching, as the cartoon with the anthropomorphosed bread in it also features a bit of stippling and filling in with potatoshop.

Illustration Friday - Satellite

You need to be careful with these things ...

I've received this wonderful postcard from Chichi Parish ...

Here it is:

You can see more of Chichi's work here.

"Been Away?"

This is another CCGB Caption Competition entry; they really do concentrate the mind wonderfully.

In the meantime, I had a great idea which was to do a book of cartoons but with very long captions which tell a story if you string them all together - clever, eh? Then I realised that this would mean it was a picture book and I've been doing those for years. Never mind. I may have another idea tomorrow, or some time next week even.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I thought I might try a bit of online dating and checked out the available men in my age range (95 - 102). Unfortunately I already know most of them (and a right bunch of wasters they are too), and I'm related to the rest. I want to play it cool and not look too desperate. What should I do?

Yours,

Emmeline Bagpuss xxx

It came second in the Pira-lympics!

Yes, the cartoon below came second in the weekly CCGB Cartoon Contest. As Steven Smith said when his came second, that's great and you don't have the responsibility of coming up with the caption/theme for next week's jobbie!

You can see more details of the competition and the other entries here.

Here's another CCGB Entry

This week, it's a captionless cartoon on the theme of, erm, pirates. I hope you'd noticed that already.

This is a Football-free Zone

That's the only mention of the word you'll get round here.

I found this when I was cleaning out the car...

but luckily I remembered why it was in there in the first place. A while ago I gave Alex Hughes a lift back from Dr Sketchy; someone (presumably Guru Joshi, or one of his followers) had put it through Alex's letter box, and he passed it on to me. It had been in my car, nestling snugly amongst the maps, magazines and general detritus. I'm just passing on the details in case any of you find it useful:

Cross hatching Part II; yes I know there are white bits in it as well.

This is my entry to the CCGB weekly cartoon competition. Details can be found here, as can other entries when others have entered!

Cross hatching

I've been doing a lot of this today, but I'm not going to put the results up here until tomorrow because it's all on my one-and-only-entry to the Cartoon Competition on the Cartoon Club of Great Britain's forum. You put yer stuff up there between 12.00 on Saturday and 12.00 on Sunday, and it seemed somehow improper to reveal all those marks to the public before the official unveiling time.

A strangely addictive, compulsive sort of an activity, it has an illustrious past - as shown here by Bill Stott:


and

At any rate, expect loads of it tomorrow.

Oh, and I've got some camera batteries now.

Last night I shared a hotel room with ...

a Corby Trouser Press:


I really like these items, even though I've never used one, and I always experience one of those 'All's right with the World' moments when I enter a hotel room and meet one. Actually, the term 'press' is very apt; even in the illustration those trousers look SO very very two dimensional. And so do the legs wearing them.

There were some other good bits in that hotel room. You know the way that in James Thurber's cartoons, half the fun is in imagining what led up to the scene in the gag? Like the courtroom scene where someone's waving a large kangaroo and shouting 'Maybe THIS will refresh your memory!'? Well that's how I felt when I read the Non-Smoking Policy, which stated:

'We are asking you to respect our neighbourhood by keeping the NOISE LEVEL down and above all NOT THROWING anything out of the window.'

And, to cap it all, there was a piece of something-or-other, absorbent something-or-other declaring that it was my own personal bath/shower mat, but not to use it IN the bath/shower.

I just loved it. I'd certainly stay there again!

Dear Agony Auntie,

Every time I go out for a swim, I get pursued by an irritating bunch of fellas in a boat. They just won't leave it alone. I've tried chomping the leg off one of them, but even that didn't put the blighter off. They seem half cracked, too, and have started nailing their small change to the mast, for some odd reason.

When will they start to get the message and just leave me be?

Yours,

Moe B Dick (no relation to Spotty Dick or Philip K Dick)
xxx

Fur

This is a bit of some fake fur that I went and got from the Rag Market in Brummagem earlier on today. It is so that I can construct a costume approximating to Barry the Shrew, who is the creation of Roger Penwill, and does sterling service in publicising the Shrewsbury Cartoon Festival every year. Here he is:


There was a stall selling all types of fur fabric; there were three colours which would have fitted the bill, but I'd forgotten to bring a printout with me, for colour matching purposes. So I then had to find an internet cafe so that I could double check his hirsuit hues; I didn't have my glasses with me and was unable to read the code you have to type in to log on to the computer. However, there was a nice girl who wanted to borrow a pen, so she typed the arcane series of letters and numbers into the apparatus while I delved into the inner depths of my handbag to find a writing implement. Result!

Here's the inflatable elephant

what I won at Dr Sketchy but I still haven't got a battery for my camera (they aren't that easy to come by in Bromsgrove, you know!) and because he's an inflatable elephant it means that he's a deflatable one too, and as he was in decline anyway, I hastened the process so's I could get him on the scanner which would mean I didn't have to take a cameraic image, and here he is.

I will be reflating him very shortly, and then he can take pride of place in the room covered with papers, the one I laughingly call a studio ...

Dr Sketchy, Coventry

This is the sketchy what won 'Best Sketch of the Night' at Dr Sketchy, Coventry last night. The model had this fantastically expressive face; every now and then you come across someone who can be captured in a few lines and just seem to flow from your pen/pencil/typewriter.

It was a nice evening; on the way there I bumped into Saul Rose, who was about to play a gig just round the corner from the gallery, and Paul Chokran and I caught the second half of it after Sketchy's had finished.

It was good because I'd had two glasses of wine at Sketchy's and I'm not sure if my driving would have been a little erratic if I'd attempted it then. But a nice cup of tea (in a proper mug, not one of those poncy little cups you get) and time out at the gig sorted that one nicely.

Dear Agony Auntie,

My girlfriend dumped me after only three dates and I don't know why. I think we'd have been ideally suited because she has a tumble-dryer, and I'm fed up with drying my socks in the toaster, and I'm sure I'd eventually have learned how to use a condom.

As part of trying to win her back, I've been leaving witty little messages wherever I can on the web - just taking the p***, you know. She hasn't responded. So she must be a slag, or a lezzer, and has a lot of baggage and is childish and has no sense of humour. She hasn't responded to my emails, either, and I did send her one where I told her I'd rumbled her and that's why she's gone quiet.

Well, I've since found out that she was forwarding my emails to her friends, and they were all sitting around laughing at them. Apparently she's also said something like "Well, if I was TRYING to make him look a total plonker in public, I couldn't have done a better job than the one he's managed on his own!"

I am deeply hurt by this. How can I get my revenge without looking like a total plonker?

Yours,

Wendlebury Bandersnatch (aged 17)
xxx

While you're waiting for my elephant ...

Here's a pic of Alex with his monkey. Courtesy of Candee Photography.

Carnival of Creatures at Dr Sketchy's!!!

What a brilliant session this was - lots of fur and stripes and I won an inflatable elephant and Alex Hughes wanted an elephant too but then he saw the monkey and went for that instead! So this is what I dun:


The above was actually my favourite of the whole evening; didn't win a prize for it, but all those luvverly stripes for which brush pens must surely have been made ... and then here's Ditzy Diamond, who you probably wouldn't recognise from this because she's usually to be seen wearing a French maid's outfit:


And, finally, the one which did win a prize:


Unfortunately, when I went to photograph the elephant so I could share it with the rest of the world, I found that none of my camera batteries is still in the land of the living ... so that'll have to wait.

For more pics of this event, please take a look here.

Afterwards, Alex presented me with a strange something which had entered via his letter box - but that, and the elephant, will have to wait for another post!

Wooo-Hooooo!!!!!!

Well I got a phone call yesterday from the hospital, the one where they did stuff to me whilst I was "under", asking me to attend today to discuss the findings. It just goes to show how low our expectations ARE of the NHS, because my first thought was that it must be something dreadful, and it was only later that I realised that it could be that they're actually efficient. And so it was.

Nothing newly untoward, i.e. life-threatening, from their exploratory stuff last week. My internal ladybits are so malformed that they couldn't get to all the areas they needed to see, but since it must have been this way since before I was born I've long ago learned to live with the direct effects. Though they did say that if they ever find untoward thingies again on a routine smear - it's straight to surgery rather than carrying out the less invasive exploratory stuff which is rather restricted in scope. This was the only cloud on the horizon. So I am very pleased about not having ANY of the following:

* Cervical cancer
* Uterine cancer
* Bunions
* Varicose veins
* Gingivitis
* Cauliflower ear
* Housemaid's knee
* Tennis elbow

And that's just for starters! There are loads of nasty conditions I haven't got! Admittedly, my recent tests didn't concern them, but a quick visual inspection by myself was totally reassuring.

Halleluia!

I Just Love This:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson

i.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost ...I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

ii.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

iii.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there
I still fall in ... it's a habit
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

iv.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

v.
I walk down another street.


I reckon I've got to Chapter iii ...

Illustration Friday - Fearless

This 'Fun Fearless Female' is none other than Lilly Wiffin, whose adventures (along with her Aromatic Armpits) can be followed in Poot! Comic. Well, as of the next issue at least ... order your copy now to avoid disappointment!

Illustration Friday - Cocoon

Bertie had left his cocoon behind, but he could never fully let go of the past ... much to his wife's annoyance.

I spent all morning in hospital, but they've let me out now.

When I say 'hospital', I don't mean the one I work at, but one I've been to as a patient. I've made the astonishing discovery that my childbearing equipment is abnormal (not that I ever had much use for it anyway)! When I say 'childbearing equipment', I mean the natural means of reproduction, not things like prams, pushchairs, papooses and stuff. If you're going to be deformed, I think it's always best to have it tucked away in an area that most people never get to see.

The cartoon is, of course, courtesy of Bill Stott. Anyone would think he'd been there.

And here's the final board!

This photo comes courtesy of Sam Emms, the other and much prettier half of Steve Bright. (Sorry, Steve!)

What I dun at Shrewsbury

Firstly, for a much broader coverage than I'm likely to be giving here, go and have a look at Bloghorn, as this is about what I dun at Shrewsbury. Apart from the boozy bits which can safely be left to the imagination.

Well, you see, one of the things they do as part of the festival are these Big Boards. A cartoonist is allocated a board around, erm, well, big anyway and they paint/draw a cartoon on it. Normally they agree to this weeks/months in advance, get their idea approved by the committee and passed by the quarantine inspectorate, draw a mini coloured version of it and have a chance to square up.

However ... lots of International Cartoonists were not there because of the volcanic dust cloud over Shrewsbury, and one of the allocated cartoonists, John Roberts, had to be half a dozen of them at once. This meant he needed someone else to take over his Big Board, which I agreed to in a moment of enthusiasm. This left me about an hour to come up with the gag and the accompanying image, instead of the months of gestation time that everyone else had. No time to square up. Just go for it.

Well, here's the start:


That 'PRINCIPALITY' sign is nothing to do with it. Just an unfortunate juxtaposition. For the caption, you'll have to wait until tomorrow. And a big raspberry to the member of the public who said "You mean when you've thought of one ..." No, actually, make that a V-sign.

Incisive Political Cartoon coming up ...

Another beautifully crafted, subtly worded masterpiece from Leonard Gubbins at Talent Free, commenting on the extra-special-bit-of-PR-best-thing-since-John-Bummer-force-fed-his-daughter-on-beef-burger 2010 Election Debate.

Illustration Friday - Detective

"He hasn't really got the hang of 'Discreet Surveillance', has he?"

Dr Sketchy Saturday 15th May

If you're in Brummagem that Sat, and want to practise your drawing skills, and see some burlesque at the same time - come along! More details can be found here

Dear Agony Auntie,

I recently put an advert on an online dating site; in the bit where it said you had to describe your dream partner, I meant to put 'sporty type' and instead I hit the wrong key and put 'spotty type'.

Do you think I should go back and change it?

Yours,

Alistair Littlewinkle, OBE

If you're in Shrewsbury at the end of April ...

Chichi Parish and I will be doing a workshop called 'Scribble, Scrabble and Abracadabra' from 10.30am - 12.30pm on Saturday 24th April. It's likely to get silly. If you're in the area, please come and join us. Free entry if you read this blog. Suitable for children of all ages; no need to bring your parents if you're over 40.

(The illustration is the combined effort of Ms Parish and myself)

Badger Windows - Collect the Sett!

I spent the early part of yesterday afternoon with a double glazing salesman. He was nice. The price was not. I raised one eyebrow when he stated the monstrous figure that was the 'List Price', before all the discounts come off. You know, for things like there being an 'R' in the month, Venus being in Capricorn, one of their reps belonging to a gipsy encampment just down the road, all those things. It was still scary, though, even when it had been subject to this kind of circumcision.

As it happens, I'd had some other double glazing thingies fitted a little while back, but these were at the back of the house where they wouldn't show. This would have been a crime against creation at the front:


So, today I went to a local firm what makes windows. No salesmen, no commission, no national advertising campaign. The proprietor told me they'd been around for 25 years, which I am prepared to believe as they were definitely there when I first moved to the West Midlands in 1987. I'd particularly noticed the name of the company - because they're called 'Badger Windows'. I felt that a subterranean mammal would be just about the most unlikely candidate imaginable for sealed, double-glazed fenestral units.

I suspect that the vast majority of their customers are humanoid.

Anyway, I will be spending the early part of NEXT Friday with a double-glazing person, too. This is getting to be a habit....

Here's a recent picture of me ...

This image comes courtesy of Bill Stott, and is a picture of me buying porridge for Tootsie. For some reason, he seems to think that people who feed porridge to hamsters rank alongside those who:

Wear kilts and false red beards
Spell "Dennis" as "Denis"
Train killer pangolins
Own hens called Cilla which are dead
Are chums with nude Harley Davidson owners
Pretend to be Clive Goddard

But, I tell you, it's perfectly, perfectly normal! And the hamsters love it!

Shrewsbury Promotional Video

It's that time of year again ...

More details can be found here

Another thing in the Side Bar ...

is the excellent and hilariously drawn link to the Cartoonist Club of England. Actually, this is a diminutive form of its full title, which is:

Cartoonist Club of England and Bits of Scotland excluding the Welsh (CCEABOSETW)

The Welsh were excluded on the grounds that they already have Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones.

Steve Bright, him of Steve Bright Cartoons, has pointed out that this is an anagram of BE A COW SECT, which I'm sure you will agree is a noble ambition. Anyone can join, but it'll cost you a cool £20.00 per annum, and membership benefits can be ascertained here.

Dear Agony Auntie,

I'm 22, and I've just broken up with my girlfriend of 5 years.

I'm devastated, but my friends all tell me I should go for someone around my own age next time. What do you think?

Yours sincerely,

Mordred Liverlips, BSc (Hons)
xxx

Animals on This Blog Sidebar

Birkin Hare, the little purple hare on the Blogger sidebar, will jump into the air if you double click on him. (It probably hurts). He's lived here for yonks, and I only realised that recently.

Another notable addition is Herbert. Tootsie and Falafel have/had much the same paint job and are celebrated on Poobah's Blog so I thought it was about time that Herbert attained immortality, too. If you click on the centre of the wheel, she'll get back on it, and she'll follow the cursor around as you move it within the square. You can feed her by clicking within that general area. She'll be ever so pleased!

A 'Not-Yet-Sold' Cartoon ...

"No, I'm not from Michelin. I'm 'Pub Grub of the Year'"

Actually this is more of an experiment in colouring in and stuff with Photoshop - a lot less time consuming than doing the whole lot in watercolour, and much more cheerful than the black and white jobbies.

I've just got a new loo brush - absolutely essential ...

... and here's why. This is my loo AFTER an incursion by the new brush:


Just a bog-standard lavatory, I'm sure you're thinking. But look what it was like before!